how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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