legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
