Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
