i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
