Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
