He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
