i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
