dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
