You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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