I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
