Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
