I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
