And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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