I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
