I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
