And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
