I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
