Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
