Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
