I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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