I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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