My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
