God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
