I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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