she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
