i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
