god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
