i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
