Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
