I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Girls should come with a carfax report
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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