I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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