Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
