I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
