he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
