i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
