I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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