I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
