Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
