Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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