You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i've created a new STD.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
