My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
