there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
