Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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