I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
