Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
