I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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