I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
