somebody snuck up and got me drunk
wat bout pragnant strippers??
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
