is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
