mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
