DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
