I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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