you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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