Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
a search helicopter?!
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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