Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
