Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You have to summon your inner elephant
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
